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                            60句讓人忍俊不禁的爆笑句子

                            來源: 時間: 2019-07-04 11:38:55 人氣: 9
                             60句讓人忍俊不禁的爆笑句子
                              1.裝逼只是瞬間,不要臉才是永恒。
                              2.我掐指一算,發現你命里缺我。
                              3.一直對發型不滿意的人,有一個共同點:不肯承認這是臉的問題。
                              4.有一種愛叫放手,手放開后,請你快走。
                              5.不想叛師的徒弟,都是不成才的徒弟。
                              6.男人的實力,就是你兜里的人民幣。
                              7.瞧你這長相,不用化妝就能去演恐怖片了。
                              8.笨男人+笨女人=結婚;笨男人+聰明女人=離婚;聰明男人+笨女人=婚外情;聰明男人+聰明女人=浪漫愛情。
                              9.上帝說要有光,我說我反對,于是,世界上有了黑暗。
                              10.睡眠是一門藝術,誰也無法阻擋我追求藝術的腳步!
                              11.乞丐:大嫂,我兩天沒吃飯了,能給點兒蛋糕嗎?大嫂:蛋糕?我這兒只有米飯。乞丐:要是平常也就算了,可今天是我的生日!
                              12.今天四級聽力聽得最清楚的一句:現在請監考老師把磁帶拿出來翻到B面繼續聽。
                              13.嘻嘻和哈哈是一對好朋友,非常要好的朋友。有一天,哈哈死了,嘻嘻很難過,他走到哈哈的墳前說:“哈哈,你死了。"
                              14.曾經有個小女孩在樓上對我說:哥哥你好帥啊!我當即回了句:不帥不帥、隨便長的。
                              15.你復雜的五官掩飾不了你樸素的智商!
                              16.我不喜歡只和一個女人上很多次床,而是喜歡和很多女人只上一次床。
                              17.不要為舊的悲傷,浪費新的眼淚!
                              18.網上自古無嬌娘,殘花敗柳一行行,偶有幾對鴛鴦鳥,也是野雞配色狼。
                              19.當我微笑時,我的笑容充滿了詩人般放蕩不羈的氣質,在這放蕩不羈的背后流露著的卻是細膩而溫暖的情感。當我沉默時,仰首便仿佛唱詩班純潔的翩翩少女,垂首則像深刻而高雅的貴族。是的,我便是這樣一個將各種仿佛不可調和的特質完美地融合在一起的男子。
                              20.剛交的gf跟我才確定一周的關系就要和我分手,就因為我沒讀過奧克塔維奧帕斯的書和博爾赫斯的詩
                              21.前20年我們吃飯,睡覺,玩樂,享受生活;接下來的40年為養家糊口疲于奔命;而最后的10年呢,每天蹲在門口,和過往的行人打著招呼。
                              22.我太純潔了,我純潔的都有些無恥了!
                              23.謝謝你,謝你大爺,謝你全家,謝你祖宗十八代!
                              24.等我有錢了,我就買一輛公交車,專門走公交專用車道,專門停在公交車站,等有人想上車了,我就說:對不起,這是私家車。
                              25.在公交車上,一個孕婦站在一個坐在凳子的年青男人前面,孕婦對他說:"難道你不知道我懷孕了嗎?"那男的說:"對不起,這孩子不會是我的吧?"
                              26.沒有女人的日子里,我以調戲男人為樂。
                              27.你當我是個風箏,要不把我放了,要不然收好帶回家,別用一條看不見的情思拴著我,讓我心傷。
                              28.年輕的時候,我們常常沖著鏡子做鬼臉;年老的時候,鏡子算是扯平了。
                              29.誰說我白,瘦,漂亮~我就跟他做好朋友~
                              30.人又不聰明,還學人家禿頂!
                              31.燒香的不一定是和尚,還可能是熊貓!
                              32.你還是讓我跪搓板吧,跪電暖氣是在受不了啊。
                              33.清華大學又名“青蛙大學”——當你邊吃包子邊說時…
                              34.有錢的都是大爺!但是欠錢不還的更是!
                              35.帥有個屁用!到頭來還不是被卒吃掉!
                              36.最受不了這樣的商家——牌子上寫道:拆遷,給錢就賣!一件羽絨服我甩給她5塊她就是不賣,太欺詐消費者了!
                              37.銀行收費時說:“這符合國際慣例。”服務時卻說:“要考慮中國國情。”
                              38.再過幾十年,我們來相會,送到火葬場,全部燒成灰,你一堆,我一堆,誰也不認識誰,全部送到農村做化肥。
                              39.如果多吃魚可以讓人變聰明的話,那么我肯定至少吃過一對鯨魚……
                              40.天哪!我的衣服又瘦了。
                              41.樹不要皮,必死無疑;人不要臉,天下無敵。
                              42.你的眼睛眨一下,我就死去,你的眼睛再眨一下,我就活過來,你的眼睛不停地眨來眨去,于是我便死去活來!
                              43.獵人發現一只豬,舉起獵槍打死了豬,獵人走近豬,豬卻起來了,知道為什么?猜不到?豬也正納悶呢。
                              44.豬的四大愿望:四周柵欄都倒掉,天上紛紛掉飼料。天下屠夫都死掉,世界人民信佛教。
                              45.主持人問:貓是否會爬樹?老鷹搶答:會!主持人:舉例說明!老鷹含淚:那年,我睡熟了,貓爬上了樹…后來就有了貓頭鷹…
                              46.什么是驕傲?牛唄!什么是謙虛?裝唄!什么是勤儉?摳唄!什么是奉獻?傻唄!什么是聰明?吹唄!什么是靚哥?你唄!呵呵,祝你開心!
                              47.某家養一貓,煩!將其拋之,然貓認家,幾次棄之均自回。一日男駕車再棄貓,當晚致電其妻:貓又回家了嗎?妻曰:回來了!男吼:叫丫接電話,老子迷路了。
                              48.螞蟻和大象結婚了,可是沒幾天大象就死了,螞蟻非常傷心,一邊哭一邊罵到:親愛的,你怎么走在我前面了呢,這輩子我他媽不用干別的了,就埋你。
                              49.我以為我很頹廢,今天我才知道,原來我早報廢了。
                              50.惹氣了我,我把地圖吃了,這叫氣吞山河。
                              51.葉子的離去,是樹的不挽留,還是風的追求?
                              52.寫什么寫,就是寫了你會信么?什么?你真信,你怎么那么幼稚啊!
                              53.瞎子點燈,或許不是一種愚蠢,亦或是一種智慧,甚至氣度……
                              54.我故意學習,故意工作,故意生活,故意活得像個人!
                              55.穿別人的鞋,走自己的路,讓他們找去吧。
                              56.金剛是腦袋被門夾了的笨蛋;你見過椰子樹長香蕉么?
                              57.你不能讓所有人滿意,因為不是所有人都是人。
                              58.男人在不懂的時候裝懂,女人則恰好相反。
                              59.你的人生,總結起來就八個字兒——生的荒唐,死的窩囊……
                              60.哥們兒,瞧你這IQ……是加利敦(家里蹲)大學物理(屋里)系的吧?
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