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                            幽你一默的簡短搞笑句子

                            來源: 時間: 2019-07-04 11:34:24 人氣: 9
                             幽你一默的簡短搞笑句子
                              1.瘦不了的永遠在騷動,吃不胖的都有恃無恐。
                              2.穿別人的鞋,走自己的路,讓他們找去吧。
                              3.不要樂觀的像個屁一樣,自以為能驚天動地。
                              4.三分天注定,七分靠打拼,還有九十分在老師那里。
                              5.晚上想想千條路,早上起來走原路。
                              6.我的襪子全是洞,我的未來不是夢。
                              7.我也曾青春逼人,可惜現在青春沒了,就剩這么個逼人了。
                              8.我對你的深情無法付諸語言,除了一句“滾一邊去”。
                              9.對于姑娘來說:出來混,遲早是要懷的。
                              10.天涯何處無牛糞,何必單戀一坨屎。
                              11.如果有一天全世界的男人來月經了,我會去賣衛生經。
                              12.以后不要在我面前說英文,OK?
                              13.如果男人不幫你穿上婚紗,你就送他件袈裟。
                              14.如果我是僵尸,我一定擇吃掉所有好學生的腦。
                              15.打個小麻將,吃個麻辣燙。找個小對象,生活就這樣。
                              16.在這個什么都漲價的時代里,我突然欣喜地發現,空氣沒有漲價,反倒是料越來越多了。
                              17.迄今為止,三個蘋果改變了世界:一個誘-惑了夏娃,一個砸醒了牛頓,一個握在喬布斯手里。
                              18.現在北京只有呼吸和放屁不用排隊了。
                              19.即使你已名花有主,我也要移花接木。
                              20.鵝鵝鵝,曲項用刀割,拔毛加瓢水,點火蓋上鍋!
                              21.看到有篇微博說道你自己是否愿意和自己談戀愛。我糾結了很久,最后還是選擇了不愿意。瞬間我再也不怪那些拋棄我的人了。
                              22.你出來一下,我有事想跟你談談。""談什么?""戀愛。"
                              23.一個婦女從超市回來,忿忿地抱怨:"如果顧客永遠是對的,為什么不是一切都免費。
                              24.春有百花秋有月,夏有涼風冬有雪。若無煩事掛心頭,便是人間好時節。
                              25.沒有人能預測未來,所以總有人后悔當初。
                              26.只有不可替代,你才不會被炒掉,但一直不可替代,就不會被提拔。
                              27.春天來了,綠意盎然,他也來了,一身綠裝!md,連帽子也是綠色的!
                              28.人們喜歡春風,厭惡寒風,其實寒風是無辜的,是溫度在使壞!
                              29.電腦是憤怒者的麥克風,深夜它傳播著我們的罵聲!
                              30.那個叫珍妮的女孩我不喜歡,我喜歡那個叫瑪尼的!
                              31.我可沒說你不要臉,我是說不要臉的都是你這樣的。
                              32.裝逼只是瞬間,不要臉才是永恒。
                              33.有些事情無須抬杠,表面服從偷偷反抗。
                              34.我喝酒是想把痛苦溺死,但這該死的痛苦卻學會了游泳。
                              35.若不棄,此生不離,若嫌棄,死一邊去。
                              36.上帝給了我們七情六欲,我們卻把它們變成了色情和暴力。
                              37.遇到你之前,我的世界是黑白的,遇到你之后,哇塞!全黑了……
                              38.現在的社會,插隊都得排隊。
                              39.三人行必有我妻,選其美者而取之。
                              40.窮耐克,富阿迪,流氓一身阿瑪尼。
                              41.蘋果最光榮的一刻就是砸在了牛頓的頭上。
                              42.我不需要你理解,只需要你閉嘴。
                              43.祖國的花朵,開一朵我踩一朵。
                              44.要不是老師說不能亂扔垃圾,不然我早把你扔出去了。
                              45.傻與不傻,要看你會不會裝傻。
                              46.偷吃不是我的錯,是我嘴巴的寂寞。
                              47.我不是優樂美,我只是敵敵畏,你想把我捧在手心么。
                              48.老板,有沒有可樂?給我拿瓶雪碧……
                              49.我覺得地球好危險,我想火星了。
                              50.哪家的名門之后啊,你爹是天蓬元帥啊!
                              51.水壺啊,你為什么哭泣,是因為屁股太燙了嗎?
                              52.風刮的真大,把我移動的手機信號都刮成聯通的啦!
                              53.熬夜,是因為沒有勇氣結束這一天,賴床,是因為沒有勇氣開始這一天。
                              54.我不但手氣好,腳氣也不錯。
                              55.每次臨時抱佛腳的時候,佛總是給我一腳。
                              56.他人笑我看不穿,我笑他人啥也不穿。
                              57.人如果靠吃飯活著,那飯不叫飯,叫飼料。
                              58.昨晚我拿你的承諾去喂狗,第二天早上發現狗死了。
                              59.每次寫簡歷都會比以前更敬佩自己一些。
                              60.你眼里的高壓電,足夠讓我的手機用一年。
                              61.別以為你長的稀有樣我們就應該物以稀為貴。
                              62.青春啊,你太痘了!
                              63.每個宿舍都有一個磨牙的,一個說夢話的,一個打呼嚕的,一個睡很晚的。
                              64.師太,批上老納的袈紗后,你就是老納的人了。
                              65.如果說剪掉頭發就是剪掉回憶,那我剪成光頭是不是可以失憶?
                              66.本想華麗的轉身,不料低調的撞墻。
                              67.春天我把男朋友種進地里,到了秋天,我就把這茬給忘了。
                              68.我對著鏡子說,鏡子,鏡子,我是不是這個世界上最美麗的,鏡子碎了。
                              69.世界上兩件事最難:一是把自己的思想裝進別人的腦袋,二是把別人的錢裝進自己的口袋。前者成功了叫老師,后者成功了叫老板,兩者都成功了可以叫老婆或大學或教堂!
                              70.我不是那種落井下石的人,我是直接把井封了。
                              71.百度搜不到你,只好進搜狗!
                              72.你長得如此多嬌,引無數瞎子競折腰。
                              73.經常會從夢中驚醒,因為做了一個餓夢,好餓好餓的夢。
                              74.男人被甩,金錢問題,女人被甩,面貌問題,我被甩,你他媽腦袋有問題。
                              75.如果你活著,早晚都會死,如果你死了,你就永遠活著。
                              76.你玩你的自定義、我玩我的格式化。
                              77.小姐,對不起,我長得不帥。但不是每個女人都有機會。
                              78.不是哥迷戀傳說,只是傳說太美。
                              79.哥只不過是個局,而你卻入了迷。
                              80.不要迷戀哥,嫂子才是傳說。
                              81.又帥又車,那是象棋,有錢有房,那是銀行。
                              82.上帝創造了處女,我創造了婦女。
                              83.放眼過去全是貨,老妹你想跟誰過。
                              84.別拿你彈視頻的速度,來挑戰哥拉黑的技術。
                              85.狐貍不是妖、性感不是騷。
                              86.各種姿勢,各種招。各種澎湃,各種飄。
                              87.喊疼的不一定是處女,但勾引男人的一定是婊子。
                              88.女人混的好、是嫂子,混不好,是婊子。
                              89.小鳥雖小,可它玩的確是整個天空。
                              90.黃瓜必須拍,人生必須嗨。
                              91.愛情不過是寂寞時、扯把美麗的犢子。
                              92.距離產生的不是美,而是第三者。
                              93.小三的威力、一般人貌似抵擋不住。
                              94.每個女人總會為某一個男人而下賤。
                              95.人生就像打電話,不是你先掛,就是我先掛!
                              96.人不可貌相,小三不可斗量。
                              97.貨有過期日,人有看膩時。你在我心里,能牛逼幾時。
                              98.當有人在裝酷時,姐都會低下頭。不是姐修養好,姐只是在找磚頭。
                              99.年少時的你我因為沒有學好愛情這門功課而變出了錯誤百出的答卷。
                              100.曾經有個小女孩在樓上對我說:哥哥你好帥啊!我當即回了句:不帥不帥、隨便長的。
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